Robert's Rules in Real Life

A friend and I were chatting recently about the challenges we encounter in gift exchanges. These customs, which seem like a friendly, easy way to engage members of a group and celebrate our togetherness, don’t always live up to their promise.

Whether it be a cluster of relatives, a book club, or a different social group, the possibility of disintegration and chaos can rear its ugly head. We thought our readers might enjoy a few simple guidelines, inspired by Robert’s Rules of Order and modified to suit this particular long-established holiday activity.

1)     Members shall read the instructions. When you send out an email saying that your family will hold a “white elephant” gift exchange on Christmas Eve, each person to provide one gift worth $10 or less, your brother-in-law shall not show up with $30 trinkets from Brookstone for the relatives he likes best. 

2)     If they didn’t read the instructions, members shall listen up when the rules of the game are explained. It’s hard to get everybody to settle down and concentrate on who is allowed to “steal” a book from whom, and how many times a gift can change hands, but if you don’t know the rules you can’t play the game.

3)     The organizer shall keep things moving.  A certain amount of energy and enthusiasm on the part of the organizer is critical to the enjoyment of all.

4)     Members shall not gab during the gift exchange. How can you tell whether you want to “steal” a book opened by someone with a lower number than yours, if everyone is talking at such high volume that nobody can hear what the book is? Self-restraint will improve the game for everyone.

5)     Members shall not take offense when the rules are followed. Since the option to “steal” a gift introduces an element of surprise (including, perhaps, suppressed hostility!) everyone has to take it all in the right spirit – or at least pretend to.

6)     Members shall not lecture other members on how much better it would be not to waste time and money on silly games, but instead make a donation to a mutually-agreed upon charity. Let your righteousness speak for itself, and don’t inflict it on your long-suffering friends and relations.

7)     The organizer shall display forbearance when these rules are broken. It’s a universal rule of human groups that we need an organizer, and it’s a universal tendency of group members to resent her for being bossy. When the milk of human kindness flows freely, everyone can enjoy the spirit of the season, despite the likelihood that the rules will not be followed to perfection.

What rules would you add to this list? All suggestions welcome...